It’s not like my life is going well.  it’s not, it really really isn’t.  I’ve been on the verge of quiting my job for I don’t know, maybe since I got it, but it was only in october that I started to take it seriously. 

I hate my job.  it’s entering data into spread sheets. that’s it.  it’s not something you need a college degree for, I’m pretty sure you need the ablity to read to do it, but there isn’t anywhere for me to move up to.  my boss just looks at the things I entered into the spreadsheets, along with other people, and the projects how much money we need in the future.  (there is an avg fuction in excel which would remove him from the equation all together, but best not to point that out) 

I can’t think of a more worthless job.  but I would be glad to have it. if it weren’t in such a worthless town.  Havre mt isn’t experiancing the depression.  it’s actually in a period of job growth.  and so while I pay almost nothing to stay here, the landlord wouldn’t consider renting to me if I had dogs. not for 4 times the rent.  (1k which I could afford) nor would anyone else in town.  The town has a walmart, a iga, and a couple of small stores.  two “malls” which are strip malls, with about three stores each.  which would be kind of cool, except it also had snow from november up until last week on the streets.  talk about depressing. 

so for about the last couple of months I have been draging myself from week to week, in the hopes of getting out.  but of the interviews I have had, only one of the jobs has actually gone to someone, and I’ve had more than 15 interviews.  probably more than 30 if you included the calls/emails to verify I actually work for DHS.  and one job, which I didn’t get, there were about a dozen jobs which were canceled, two of which really encouraged me to apply once the conituning resolotuion was passed.

I know it’s only about 75 more days I have to stay here to get a pension, such as it may be.  but my god those 75 days are taking forever to get here.  (I started counting only a few days before, at 110)

It’s been tempting to just drive home every day when I start my car to go into work, it’s not just when I turn off to head home anymore.  my car is already pointed in the right direction, I have to turn around to go to work. 

And I’m awfully temped not do it.

but I’m still waiting to hear back from so many jobs, most of which i don’t get to have if I don’t work here anymore….jobs in long beach and san degio, boston and mami….

np, California wax

I applied for the job back novenber 15.  I never interviewed for it.  I got notice that I was secected for the next round back in febuary, then I got notice that I had been seleceted to get the job back in may.  I was called back at the begining of this month to do a background interview etc. 

I did that, and then, before the background interviews where compleate I was told I could have the postion.  I don’t actually start until the end of next months though. 

I am so glad to be out of birmingham. 

all the stuff they say about the shouth? it’s all ture.  blacks don’t like to work, rich whites don’t like to hire anyone etc… every damm word of it is, at least on the surface ture.  (there are excpetions to everything, the hardest working guy I have ever met is black and I only met him opon coming to birmingham) but for the most part….

It’s sad, these people vote really republican, I’m talking tea party replubican are to the left of them, and yet we receive 1.66 for every dollar that we send to washington.  new jersy gets .55.  new mexico gets 2.03, but at least they are a swing state…..

it was 108 degrees outside today, acrodning to the temp gauge in my car.  108, with humidity of ~%50.  it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever felt (103 with humidity of 100% on long island) but It was pretty damm close.  and whats worse, it lasts for months at a time, not a week.  it’s so fucking hot that I would come back all sweaty if I walked my dogs aroung the lake (maybe a 1/8 of a mile) at five in the morning. 

I’m just not cut out for this heat:(  I’ll soon get to find out how well I coulpe with the cold though, since winters in havre mt get down to -40 below and last at least into july.  I am actually looking forwards to seeing snow again.  And going out in it and making snow angels, while wearing a t-shirt and shorts:)

NP; cloetta paris, i miss you someone

it’s a little depressing.

plus the girl with homeland security told me last week, it may well be a month or more before you hear from us, and that will just be us telling you that it will be another three months before we can actually hire you.  four fucking months in the future, and that’s on the job where I can expect to hear from them soonest.  the other jobs, one of which I really want, and import speicalist, the won’t even know who they picked for another 6 weeks beyond this one, and at that point it’s going to be another three months at least before I actually get hired…

mmakes me want to go work for jiffy lube….

I’d probably be better off finically, ~16/ hr doesn’t go very far. it covers my rent, my car payment, my normal bills, and that’s abou it, if I want food, i have to be really warm that month…. at least I’ll be getting a raise in roughly seven weeks.  ~150/ pay check doesn’t cover much, but it would cover foor for myself and my dogs.

I don’t know how much longer I can stand to stick around, it’s already so fucking hot that I can’t leave my dogs in the car for ten minuetes, they were both overheated when I got back.  and it was only ~seventy five  out.  and i was hurrying. the humidty is just unbarable.  and it’s no where near as bad as it’s going to get….

I can’t even imagine it being to hot to sit on your ass and watch a nascar race, but it gets to hot to sit in the shade and watch race cars go around in cicles.  and it’s months long….

I really hope I get the job in long beach…

NP: braid, The New Nathan Detroits

I don’t think I did all that well, but what the hell.

I also bought a new car, a 2008 mazdaspeed 3.  I would post pics, but my camera doesn’t seem to be working.  I feels good to know I can actually drive anywhere in the country at a moments notice, and I’ve got a warrenty if something does go wrong.

It’s got almost everything I wanted in a car, it a station wagon, it’s turbod, it’s a stick. the only thing that’s wrong is it’s a bit large for it’s size. 3140lbs and it’s a very compact car.   and of course it’s wrong wheel drive.  and teriffying to drive fast, the torque is limited in the first two gears, and it’s still enough to rop the wheel rightout of a good strong grip and trow the car in the ditch.  it tops out somewhere north of 160mph (I haven’t verifyed this yet) the speedo goes to 160 and 55 isn’t even the first 1/3. it’s pretty much impossible to keep track of youor speed at less than 40 mph.

I really hope I get the job in cali. I hate it here.  though I love my boss and my coworkers, I just can’t stand the idea of a winter, spring, and summer without outdoors.  It was to cold this winter, it was either to cold, or to hot this spring, and this summer is promiseing to be way to warm. it’s already hot at 80 degrees out, and it gets about 100 on average during the summer…..

well she hasn’t ever told me aout chirst love and all that bull shit, but she says every sunday she has to go to church. inspite of the more fun things she might be choseing to do. which is ok, but she’s always busy evey other damm day. 

providing me with an easy way to get to meet her, go to church with her. 

that’s a big no for me.

and yet inspite of her calling me and texting me reperiedly, I think I’ve finailly got her on the run, as I’ve been two three interviews for jobs in so cal, and Ive got another interview for next tues,and an interview for next tues for houre la, and an upcoming interview for a postion in tx.  so I’m hoping I get one of these jobs. 

‘ cuase I’m tierd of going out to my car, finding it nice enough to sit in the car with the windows down and settle in to read a book, and returning to work soaked in sweat.  this humidity is fucking killing me, and it hasn’t even gotten here yet, the high temp for the moment is like 81. it’s going to get over 100, pretty much garanteed….

well only 37 more days till I take a vacation to colorado.

np:Pink Triangle, wezeer

I’m dumb, she’s a lesbian, we were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind’s no good.

one day, that’s it.

man I want to kill something,

I’ve got another inverview for another position in long bearch in another week.  it’s not as cool of a job but what the hell.

np: blake babies, disapear/brain damage

But It’s got me hopefull.  it’s ether in chulla vista, laredo tx, or, and this is a very off chance, havre mt.

I’m really hoping for havre, and failing that, chulla vista. but it’s probably in laredo.  which I won’t like.  I may like it better than birmingham, it would be hard to dislike it more, but I mean temps over 100 on a regular basis?  at least it’s dry, which birmingham isn’t.

I don’t know what to do with my self.  I’ve lost wieght, a lot of wieght.  I gained about ten pounds upon moveing here.  and since then, I’ve lost 17 lbs.  I know going to work out will make me feel better, and maybe eating better will make me feel better, but I can’t find the motivation to actually do it.  I used to have a theroy, if she can at least climb up to mallory cave than it doesn’t matter how fat she is, I’m ok with her.  I think I could still make it up to mallory cave, but I serously doubt I could make it on a longer hike, like green mtn.  There just isn’t anywhere in this state like green mtn.  the distance from sea level, some four and a half hours drive to the top of the highest mtn in the state is roughly the hike I used to take on a monthly basis.  here everything seems really steep, I’m talking about roads which are to steep to walk up in the rain, but the difference is the aren’t anywhere near as long.  oak mtn state park, there is a bike trail, a 18 mile bike trail, not a big deal, it goes all the way around the park, and roughly gains/ losses ~700 ft (I’m guessing) there are places you could fall farther than that in colorado.  I’ve been to them.

havre looks better and better each day.  but I really don’t think I have a chance in hell of getting the job there.  mostly because the system sent me an email stating that the vacancy had been cancled.  Just the idea of living in a town of 10,000 people makes me feel nice and warm inside.  it sure beats the hell out of 230,000 on the white side of laredo, 700,000 if you inculde the mexico side. and 750,000 in birmingham. I don’t like living with that many people, I don’t mind haveing some of the bennifts, but we don’t have any of those in birmingham, no bus service, no arts to speak of, nothing really.  all the stuff I’d get in cali.

np California by tom petty and the streets of laredo by johnny cash.

“as I walked out on the streets of laredo, as I walked out on laredo today.”

That’s the sum total of my accomplishments this weekend.  I did a wash. I forgot about that, 

but that’s it.

I swear if I don’t get out of here before my planned vacation, I’m not coming back.

NP: weatkerthans, plea from a cat named virtue.

“all you ever want to due, is drink and watch tv, frankly that thing doesn’t really interst me. I swear that I’m going to bite you hard and taste youy tinny blood, if you don’t stop repeating the self defeating lies you’ve been repeating since the day ypu brought me home”

I’m actually hoping I get the job in havre montana,  It seems to be such a nicer town.  a small town, 10K people.  It’s in montana, which means it will be cold.  but since it does get cold, it means that the bildings will be buit with that in mind, I have a 1/8 inch gap between the bottom of my doors and the base plate.  So no loss there, plus for roughly what I’m paying in rent now on my apartment, I should be able to rent a house.  and it beats the hell out of a 400sq ft apartment in chulla vista.

But even a 400 sq ft apartment would be better than living here.

and they are predicting snow again this week, this will be the eight time it’s snowed since I’ve been here.

NP: jets to brazil, air traffic sontrol

Talking with elizabeth last night, I sort of decided that’s the best for me.  cause as she said, I’m not really a big city type of guy.  I mean I’d love to move to chulla vista for a couple of years, but it’s not where I want to be.  I want to live out in the woods somewhere.  montana wouldn’t be my first choice. but it’s far from my last one. 

and the people are so much more self suffient, or at least they come off that way.  that’s sort of my idea of good people.  even if they are mostly repbilican. it sure beats down here, where everyone is repilbican and the get more money from the feds that almost anywhere else in the country, and they want more. loads more.

and as it turns out, it’s not in eastern montana, it’s prettty much central montana, there is a mtn range rigt there.  there are more parks in the city, than people, well not really, but it seems like there is a park for every foour blocks.  and the parking on main street, they park at an angle, and there is plenty of parking.

I really want to get out of here.  I wanted to move somewhere warmer, but montana will do for now, and hey, it’s almost summer, so it should be getting warm right about the time I move:) assuming I get the job.

NP wilco, far far away