I can’t believe I chose the moutains every time you chose the sea

I wish I was happyer.

I know why I’m not, It’s because I moved 5 degrees colesr to the equator and it got cooler. really, the low temp today was something below 25.  the high in broomfield was 41, I think we did better here, but not by much.  it was far to cold for me to go out hiking with my dogs, But I’m not exactly sure why, I can understand that it was to cold for me to go biking, I’m ok wiht that, but going uphill, it felt a bit warm in my hoodie, When I turned back after 3-4 miles It felt really really cold. but, then as the sweat dried off of me, it turned out to be just a bit cold.  It was a nice trail  I found, the mtn biking trail in oak mtn park.

it’s not much of a biking trail, 17 miles, a good ride after work sort of ride, but far from a even half day ride… but a good walking trail if i should happen to get out there before 1 in the afternoon, and an execent running trail I would guess.  and besides, it’s all we’ve got.

but even when I got home, I was still frezing, mostly because I was stuch outside waiting for the tow truck to come get me, I had locked my keys in the car:( but even as the temp was in the 40’s it still felt really cold. And i’m not sure why.  could it be that I just gavce blood yesterday? maybe but I doubt it.

NP:In Medias Res,Los Campesinos

putting all the vegitables away, that you bought at the gocery store today

 

So I’ve gone on two dates during the three weeks that I’ve been here. and both of them have been failures, the second much less than the first. but still. It was hard for me to not say something when she mentioned missing out on going to church today, and it all pretty much went downhill from there. To her defininication of a public servant, hers t getr a good pension that they can’t fire you from, vs mine to do some good for the people in gerneral.  not really compatible:(

Ok, so I’ve never really said anything about this in text, but church is a lie.  I just can’t seem to get my head around that.  that if someone actually believes what they tell you, you are pretty dam near high. (Yeah that cracker and sip of wine really was the body and blood of jeuse, in which case you are a cannibal) of if you take it as somewhat more symbolic, then you are a symbolic cannibal? 

it’s not that I don’t believe there isn’t a god(s) above us, I really do, unlike some of my friends, but I have serious doubts about anyone who says they know his plan, of even anyone who says it’s a He/she.  I have doubts about the number of gods.  we have no way of knowing.  All we know is that there is potentially something out there. something that’s bigger than us.  I am what should be definition of an agnostic. 

but anyway, I have my doubts about finding anyone in the bible belt. 

So my job has gotten boring.  I’ve been answering the phones for a total of six days

and the thing is, I’ve got a worse job that’s come up for me, it’s in presido tx, about half way between el paso and big bend. (so a worse location) about the same pay, though far less than they said I would get, I’m only making $34k here, they said it would be nearly $37k, but, here’s the problem, if I take the job, it would be with the agency that I want to work for, and if I get the job I actually put in for in el paso, It would amount to 3K per year more that I would get paid.   that’s almost 7~8% more.  and it would stay with me.  I’m not sure I want to miss out on that. plus It’s basically the same people who would be hiring me for the job I actually want….

So anyway I’ve finally moved out of denver, and now I’m stuck wondering if it’s worth it to move to a different place for the same money… I could have just stayed in denver for more money if I was willing to put up with the bull shit at the IRS. 

I wonder if there is anyone out there for me, I mean anna wasn’t for me, that was pretty obvious from the start, erica wasn’t a good match just because we were way to young, C was a good match in everything except her outgoing nature and tendency to cheat, (and I was such a push over that I would have let her…..) so that wasn’t any good  and the girls I’ve gone out with since, lets no mention them. for example this girl I went out with tonight, was pretty dam hot, but the reason, she had gastric bypass surgery a year ago. and then her politics, let me say, she wasn’t anywhere near an aclu member and leave it at that.  maybe I just need to get out more, as much as I hate that

the weird thing, is music, the people who have hear the same sort of music that i actually like seem to have the most in common with me.  to bad none of my top bands are still touring, with the expection of lovers, but at one of her shows I would be trying to pick up lesbian chicks, not that there is anything wrong with that, just seems like wasted time….
DC sleeps alone tonight, the postal service

seems so out of context, in this gaudy apartment complex, a stranger with your door key, explaining that I’m just visting, I am finially seeing, that i was the one worth leaving, well I was the one worth leaving.

sweet home alabama

So I don’t know why there Why there are still two or three people a day viewing this, cause I haven’t updated it in months.  but I’ve got a new update, a short one

So I’m going out on a date tomarrow, wiht a really simple seeming girl, even though she’s got a masters and is a teacher, she doesn’t know any of the bands I do, doesn’t watch any of the same movies etc.  but she still seems pretty cool, so I hope it goes well..

Birmingham is a wierd sort of city, I suppose because I aven’t really spent any time in a place like this.  most of my life has been spent or the coast line onf the east coast.  so It’s wired to feel te mositure in the air, and not smell salt in the air. there is no trace of the ocean in the air here. and yet we ave to deal wit huricanes and so on. (I can’t imagine a huicane doing that muhc damage down here, but the last one knocked the power out for four days.)

but even with that said, it’s no a happy place, I was greated by a cop at the park where I took my dogs this morining, he didn’t try to do anything to me, he was just there,, the reason I was at the park to walk my dogs, is there isn’t anywhere else for me to walk them, I can walk them around the lake in the apartment complex where I live, accross the parking lot of the chuch next door, cross the 55 mph street and along the sidewalk for a whole block, and then back again. 

my car hasn’t exactly happy with it’s move either, the clutch has been slipping big time when the car’s not warmed up, and it’s going out of adjustment pretty reglaually. The boost is acting up, though I can’t find any leaks,  it’s been going up to 17+psi (I’ve seen 20), and then the next time, It should go to 16 and then drop off a psi or two. 

and the people seem to be equally nuts, two of the poeple from work say stuff Like I don’t fill up my car at night unless I’ve got a gun in my other hand, etc.  I haven’t felt unsafe compared to denver.  at least not so far.

but any way, More reports at I get a chance to write them, and I’ve got a interview coming up for a job in el paso, not sure If thats a better or worse place, but I’m going to go with a worse place. but it’s a better job with much more pomotion potentaial.  I did turn down a job with the very same agency on firday cause it was in colorado springs. 

now water gate doesn’t not bother me, doesyour considence bother you?

she hold’s a smile, like someone would hold a crying child

it’s one of those things that’s been borther ing me for a while, even when the temp reads 50 degrees f, the ice on my local pond is frozen, when I go out and walk my dogs after work.

but when it reads 38, or 28, the ponds not frozen.

the lille ponds of water, creatated by the melting snow are still around, and they are in the same state as the water in the big ponds.

so tonight even as the temp is 30 degrees out side, everything is liqued. and yet the prior nights, when the temp was 50, or 47 the pond was frozen?

 

NP death cab for cuite, cath

god damm it, I’m not talking about my heart like a tinfoil valentine

I don’t really know what to say here.

I was rasied to the standred  of  ”if you can’t say anythingnice, don’t say anything at all” 

but that’s nnot working for me.

my mom has contuined to get stupider and dumber as time goes on, and with the news that I won’t be living here any more, she seems to have speed up her schudule for dumbining.

she doesn’t belive in evolution anymore.  she still believes humans and apes are related, but now she’s saying things like maybe god made us first and then decided that aps should come from us?  which sounds like a logical argument till you reread it and “god desided that”.

I’m sorry but I don’t belive in a failible god, or one god at all. there is just to much eveidence for more than one god, be the second one satan, or some thing else entirely is a battle which would take far to long to go into here. lets just say that two gods fighting donesn’t make a whole lot of sence, if makes much more sence that there are far more than two gods, or that there aren’t any at all and all of this is but a luckly chance.

but it’s only when opionions on gay marriage or lesbians come up that she gets really nuts 

I just can’t wait for the oporutinity to get out of here.  It’s not so much the city thats getting to me, it’s my living situation, the fact the my folks live here means I can’t live within a thousand miles of here.

and as luck would have it, I won’t be.  even if I get the job with the FSA or the interior sercive, or even if I stay with the IRS. I won’t be anywhere near her. and I can’t wait. I just can’t move anywhere on a path between here and new york, cause she goes there every year. I won’t have room to have them stay with me in fayetville, not in my four bedroom house on 1 acre of land, I just wouldn’t know where to fit them, nope they will have to stay at a motel.  hopefuly accross town. and I’ll be out sailing the weekend they vist. (my dad’s gotten on my case about sailing, “it’s not safe, you’ve lost two grandparents and an uncle to sailing.” to which i said dirving a car is by far the most dangerous activity a human can get invlode in (not actually ture, by a long shot) and you didn’t have a problem with that. what the hell is wrong with me getting a hobbie cat and sailing it around the coast?

my dad is very anti boat, I don’t really know why, but he wouldn’t let me go on rafting trips, he wasn’t really ok with me takeing sailing lessons, wake boarding lessions, sailboarding leasions, he was sort of ok with me taking water sking leasons, but that was it. when he found out about the trip I took when I was fourteen the canoe trip along the colorado he was so pissed, my parnets nearly got divorced oer that.  “we when’t through rapids, probably class three white water (meaning just enough that you could see white water) in a canoe”

I can’t wait to get the hell away from them.

Even over this summer, when the rains would fall on a regular basis, I wasn’t anywhere near happy. And I’m pretty sure it’s because of her. I should have been relaitively happy, their was mosture in the air, the weather wasn’t to hot, and yet still, pretty much all summer I was in my room on my computer instead of out enjoneing it. just because the act of going out side would invole loads of questions, which I didn’t want to answer, though simple enongh “I’m going for a bike ride, I don’t know when I’ll be home (though it would be a mircile if I’m out more than three hours because I can’t find another bike path to connect to and even at my slowest pace I could ride it all, some of it twice in three hours), no I don’t care if there is dinner for me (I haven’t eaten the crap you call dinner in years, coming up of ten years now) yes I’ll try to be safe, (even through it’s not out of any desire to stay alive, it’s from the abolute lack of anything entertaining of the bike path, and the fact that suburban drivers are homicidal)”

I so can’t wait for anything else.

NP: ranirer maria, tinfoil.

 

This list is what went right. your name is written twice

So I got the job as a revaune officer. I don’t know that I want the job, but what the hell, it’s in fayetville nc, and it’s pretty far out of my folks house, so I’ll take it. it’s not the job I want, i don’t think I want it at all, but what the hell, it’s got to be better than where I am now.

only problem, it doesn’t start till febuary:(

NP jets to brazil, Perfecting loneliness

I’m a long list with no time, sunset panic on the street.
Sugar and light bulbs,
the milk of kindness is behind us now with all those stones in your coat.
Did you think they wouldn’t know?
The tea leaves of trashed sheets, dirty needles and sweets.
Zero to heaven in seven.
A lifetime. A nanosecond.
All the sand in your glass, is going by so fast.
The radio is playing our tune.
I love it, could you turn it down?
The thought of you crying in my room.
I miss you, could you come around sometime?
When the night comes down,
the world becomes a room under the microscope with a lab coat and glue.
I’m fixing this hole with everything I knew.
The music is making my head split.
I love it, could you turn it off?
The thought of you is tearing me in two.
I miss you, could you come around sometime?
This list is what went right.
Your name is written twice.
We live like astronauts and our missions never cross.
The stakes are high.
We’re standing by.
There used to be a hundred ways to put my arms around you.
Every one seemed new, natural, and true.
Perfecting loneliness ’till nothing’s holding us.
Consider earth.
We could be the first.

I’m gona move to southern california, got me a ride and a reason to ignore you

so I might be moving to cali.  it’s not really so cal, but close enough.

I had an interview today for a position as a wine sampler taker.  I really want the job. 

inspite of the location.

The interview went better than the others I’ve had. probably because the people on the other end of the interview actually knew what the job involed. 

and they made it sound so good.  the only bad thing was the frequent travel, but with government benifts, that more than makes up for it. 

I would need to get a different car though, pretty much any job in cali is going to make me get a different car though. 

I really hope I get the job.

NP wax, california

oh god I hate decmeber

so i don’t think i can go up to erics cabin anymore,

the last four times I’ve been up there, there was some problem that prevented me from getting back.  be it normal ski country traffic, road clourses or just slow ass drivers. 

this time is was acombination of road clourses, slow ass drivers, and my GPS system wanting to find the shortest distance between two points, 

yes, it snowed while I was up there, it was a blizzard at times, but the measly two two three inches of snow wheren’t a challenge to my four inches of groung clearance of to my newly fited (but probably more than seven year old) snow tires.  i was cursing along at~40~70 mph (the speed limt was 45) untill I’d come up on a another car, I’d try to pass, and eventually get by.  untill I got to the other side of the mountain,  where I couldn’t pass (not safely at least) so I turged down the mountain at some amazing figure of like 20mph avg. 

and then I got to the highway,  I was passing people on the right, but I was only going the speed limt, and it was good.

till they closed the highway.

I was so tempted to drive around the car that was blocking it, there was plenty of room in both sides, and no one in it. but i didn’t.  at this point I was only about 1.5 hours behind schudle.  it took the next hour to get to the 119/us 6 cut off.  I took the 119. 

and did just fine along it, inspite of the fact that the speed limit was roughly the speed I was going. 

and then I was stupid and followed my gps system, the same system that clocked me at 500_ mph earler in the trip (really, It was going along maybe a mile east of highway 40 at speeds of 200+ for at least a 1/4 hour before it started acting up, speefs of 400+ going in random diections)

but I took a long long way home, which wouldn’t have been that bad, except the driver in frount of me couldn’t manage more than 15 for a good 18 miles.  (on the road I wanted there were passing zones, no such luck on this road) and when I finially got down, and turned to take the road home, it was closed.

It’s shit like this that makes me hate lving here. I could have been home in 2.5 hours even actiting for the traler driver over the pass.  but instead it took me nearly five hours, and before you tell me it was my getting off course, that actually singifigantly improved my time till i got caught behind the driver who couldn’t got more than 15…

 

I really hope I get the job inspecting winearys in cali.

 

NP ivy, god I hate december

Its getting cold all aver again, so I´ll be inside way too much again.

So I didn’t get the job up in portland.

and it sucks, that was a job which i really wanted and I thought the interview went really well, I asked the right questions, and answered the questions to the best I could.  and I didn’t get the job. 

but I’m not giving up.  I got a couple of other interviews I’ve done or have comeing up, one for a temp postion with the department of veterns up in spokanne, on for a RO postion in missippi which I really hope I get because there is 16K in per diem on the line for that one, they’ll pay me some 16K just to go to kanas city for a four month period.  16K to not spend the winter in colorado.  though I don’t know how much warmer mo is,  but it’s got to be a bit warmer. and tueplo ms is pretty cheap to live, 100K will buy a nice house…

and I bought a couple of books on interviewing technquie to read though as well.  but the thing is, I haven’t had anything exceiting come along, well the job up in mn would be pretty cool, 32 hours a week, and I’d still make enough to live, but I don’t know about driving 30 miles each way…

oh well. 

NP texas is the reason.  nickel wound

I want to call requests thru heating vents, and hear them answered with wisper, NO

So I had this dream two nights ago,  where I awoke to a message from my phone from the widsor chamber pf commerce, it was a mesage “when could I start?” and then as a i was calling them back, I got another message, it was the girl up in portland asking if i was still interested in the job there. 

and I don’t remeber how it ends. 

but erther one would be better than my current job.  I mean I can totally see the point in holding all of their money when they don’t call in with the two-six letteres we send them,  but on the other hand I can’t see releasing it on the whim of a employee, be it me, or my manager (or in better times, my actual manager, who looks at the irm) but for the most part, it’s not, it’s based on the employee who gets the call. and I can’t deal with the arbiratiayness of our porcess. 

one of my coworkers, took a call from me, when my lead decided that I couldn’t release a levy, she said it was her teams policy to release a levy when there was any evidence that they hadn’t received the notice of levy (A good policy since it’s in the IRM) but per my teams policy that’s not good enough, nothing is good enough.  except when it is good enough.  when anything is good enough.  she released 8K from the levy, my “boss” called me into the office with a his boss to discuss a partical release of levy, I released 1.5K, It ended with my “boss”  getting admosished, but still…

I really hope I get the job up in portland, and baring that, I hope the test goes  well. I mean a job working for the dep of homeland security in mobil al, can’t be all that bad can it? I mean my current life is pretty much hell, more so because of the choices I’ve made than my current job, but the job doesn’t help anything. I cann’t wait till the levy moriturim when I’ll actaully be able to help people again, isn’t that suppost to be the point of working for the civil service again?

 

NP: weakerthans, (Manifest)