I’ve been wondering now, for instance is it ok for me to lead these women on, when I’m certainly going to be moving somewhere before the summers ending? 

I mean it’s not like I’m promssing that I’m going to stick around, but it’s sort of implied by my very being on match.com.  I mean boulder/denver is the prefect place right? that’s what everyone is telling me, and no one pays any attention to any of my complaints, it never rains, it’s too fucking cold in the winter… that’s really all I’ve got, but combine them… you’ve got way more damage caused by the appilication of rocks in the winter than you’ve got by the frozen roads.  and in the summer, it felt like i drank a good 2 quarts of water after climbing ncar, maybe five hundered feet.  maybe three miles I traveled today, and I felt like I took in maybe two quarts of water extra.  2 quarts of water for maybe three miles of walking?

and yet I seem to be the only person who doesn’t want to be here any more.  

but it’s not like bend will be any better, bend with it’s 13″ of rain is even worse than denver/bouder (14.7),  man I’m wishing I get the job in ga. 

 

bob dylan, don’t think twice it’s all right

I’m woundering if i should take this job up in bend if I’m offered it. it’s with the tax payers avocdic office, so there is the bonus that I won’t be screwing tax payers out of money they don’t owe us anymore. that alone is worth a couple of bucks an hour.  but bend oregon? it get’s less rain than colorado.  as if that were possible.  14.6/year down to 13.o/year in bend, and a good portion of that is snow! I don’t like snow.

but given the oportunities i’ve been offered in the past year? I think I’d better take it.  it’s a GS 07 position, vs my current positon at GS-06 (finally) and it offers promotion to the GS-09 level. 

plus It offeres cheap living, I can buy a house for less than 150K with an acere of land:) that sounds good to me. 

that’s all I really want, a decent job (where it’s not my job to screw people out of money/bennifits)  and a decent enough rate of pay to aford a decent place somewhere I can take my dogs out after work. it would be nice if it would rain there once in a while, but that’s really just a bonus:)

 

NP:  Steppanwolf, magic carpet ride

so a question was asked of me, which coast line, and by that which occean do I prefer.

and this is somewhat of a quandry for me.  I mean I know I should prefer the western, the pacfic coast. 

but I don’t.  I have stood on the santa monica peir some 150 meters out over the occean, and I was unable to smell the occean, just 10 meters up and I was unable to smell the occean.  I was standing in the swells up in oregon and I don’t really recall the smell of the occean. I don’t remeber it from either of the two times I’ve been in the pacfic northwest. 

and yet, I remeber It from my grandmothers house some 80+ miles from the nearest seashore, ever so faitly, but it was there. I remeber it every time at my other grandmothers house. i remeber waking from bed soaked in it.  having to brush the salt of my skin in the middle of winter, and being barley able to breath through it in 103 degrees and raining in the summer.the ever so brilant smell, or taste of salt, sea salt on the air. 

the thing that gets me though, is i don’t really recall that taste in florida.  but at the same time I don’t not remeber it.  and to tell the turth, I think not remebering it would be a whole lot stronger than remebering “it smells like salt and water because we are near the occean”

so at this point, with out a bit more experiance to the carbian, I would have to say the atlantic, I’m not really sure over the carbian, but by far over the pacfic.

this only compairs the coastlines I have actually been to, I’m sure the dalmation coast would kick the ass of any I’ve seen so far….

 

on a more positive note, I have an interview for a posistion in bend or, and I can take the job with the imigration services as I have 48/20 vison and two pairs of glasses that cost me roughly a paycheck ($760 for four little pices of plastic and metal frames, it seems like i’m being ripped off)

 

 

NP 764-hero, coastline

so i’ve failed at the atempts to go to the gym everyday, failed pretty much every thing i was attempting.  but yet my spirts are high, before even hearing the resuslts of my test I was asked to provide proof of my eldgibltiy,  I have been a GS-05 for more than a year and i have good grades.  so I’m eligble on to fronts

I’d be so stoked if I actucally get the job, It’s down in lumpkin ga, as an imigration enfocrment agaent.  I really hope I get the job.

but otherwise, I’m thinking of giving my notice at work. I haven’t given it yet,  but it’s so tempting,  someone calls it on friday, my lead is being an asshole and takeing advatange of ihs temporary promotion to manager, and he says to his boss,  “hey matt didn’t do what i told him to! punish him” so I go and talk to the manager, and tell him myside of the story, and he states ok, I believe you. i don’t get punished, but on the same side, nor does my “manager”  i don’t know how long I can take this shit anymore.  I’ve applied for more than three hundred jobs, pretty much each one of which I was quiaifyed for, and so far nothing.

God I hope I get a job soon!

NP: allman brothers, ramblin’ man

“and I was born in the back seat of a greyhound bus, rolling down highway 41″

I’ve been wondering what the hell am i doing lately. 

I mean if i do get my dream job in lumpkin Georgia or where ever. how the hell am I going to find the girl of my dreams, or even the girl of my distant actarction? Cause now that I’m thirty, I’m not so very picky:) but still, if ~27 years in boulder/denver haven’t produced anyone, what’s the hope for me in medford or? 

I mean going from a metropolis of some ~2.5 million people to a town ~50K?  what chance in hell do I have? 

but then again, for some reason, I haven’t been able to find my sorts of people here. my friends where more likely to say hey lets smoke up than they were to say hey lets go camping.  for that matter, the number of friend I have gone camping with, two of my current friends.  and one of those stopped talking to me back ~9 months ago.  the firend I had who where into that sort of thing were way to much into it, like bolous who quit school to become a pro rock climber, upon his learning what pro rock climbers made, he took the GED and when back to school supposedly. or  jimmy who was a pretty smart guy, but decided he didn’t want to go to school, so instead he joined up with the coast guard and whent heli skiing and heli biking every day he wasn’t on duty.  (he was stationed up in aslaka before 9/11. 

I don’t know what the hell it is, I say I like camping, but no one I meet does, ryan, one of my oldest friends says camping is dirty, same for his brother, mike who I would have said was my best friend before he set off to Korea all those years ago. 

kepa liked going camping, but he was far more likely to say maybe next weekend, and then when he finally got around to it, some six weeks later, he would forget to let you know about it.  kepa was really sad, the last time i saw him was at pat’s wedding, it wasn’t formal or anything, but most of us had the sense to at least clean our clothes before going. kepa, not so much. it was really pretty sad. even his stripper girlfriend had the seance to get dressed up.  and then he goes and drains the bar.  oh well.  (but then again keppa would feel compeled to point out he had a stripper girl friend, and I had, well… and he was right)

I just want to be outside, pretty much all the time, I want good Friends around, but fat chance of that, just a little, say, ten acres to call my own. a job that doesn’t so suck, and a good woman nearby. 

Is that so much to ask? 

some nice roads near by wouldn’t hurt either, and a pool;)

NP jets to Brazil, air traffic control.

So I’ve been thinking this is the weekend when I finially get up of  of my ass and go out side, ride my bike, hike with my dogs, go to the gym.  but up till now, It hasn’t been.

The weather has evilly combined with my dislike of getting up in the morning to produce t-storms starting at about ~1pm.  and while i love thunder storms, they make it ackwards to walk around in them.  since the front range is basically a desert, everything gets so slick and sticky when it rains, we get flash floods, with the rain pouring down the trail so hard that it might as well be a stream.  it makes it a little hard to ride any where either.

but today I got up earliy and when out for a hike with my dogs.  It’s such an unbielieable pain to have to get in the car and drive to go for a hike.  but I did it.  (i also did it yesterday, but that ended really quickly when yet another strom came over the mountain)  and once I got out in line on the trail(the masa trail I find i have forgoten my water bottle.  but it was good, I still when for a nice little hike.  on thing that might be a problem, milo got so hot while we were walking,  it wasn’t the excerise, that didn’t bother him, but it was the sun sinceing down on his black back.  maybe I’ll work up some sort of coat for him, I’ve got white sheets that would work fine. 

so anyway, biking is out, seeing as how it’s pouring down out there, but going to the gym isn’t, So I think that’s what I’ll do next.  it seems so depressing to be inside when it’s such a beautiful day outside, but then the whole sky lights up with lighting, and you think, I’m glad I’ve got a roof over my head as the skys darken…

so I’m going to start eating healther as well, red wine with dinner, more actuall means rather than frozen pizza. plus their is a place near by work, fontainos subs, it’s actually open till 5 now, and I love it, sure a basically itailian sub isn’t great for you, but when its loaded up with so many veggies? It can’t be bad for you. (it’s just an eight inch sub, and it’s left me so for that most days i eat it, and maybe a bag of popcorn when I get home, that’s it) I think I’m going to give up dinking hard liquer as well though that may be hard when you’ve got a job as mind numbingly dull and painfull all day long. a job that basically leaves you wanting to crawl in bed and go to sleep forever so long as it means you won’t have to go to work ever again….

but anyway, that reminds me, I’l still go a bit of the state deparment applicaion to get through.  some mindless dull job in alanta, but what the hell it’s got to be better than my current job right:) I also should go to the optomitesit so I can see if my eyes are good enough that I can even be a cop or if I;ll have to get laysic, and if I even can get laysic.   I really hope they are good enough, cause I know I aced that test, and i applied for the most needed section of the country, lumpikn georga:) I would love to live somewhere like lumpkin, it’s really cheap, I could afford to buy land, it’s so much slower paced than just about anywhere else I’ve been. 

 

NP azure ray, beautifull things can come from the rain

So I don’t really know what’s up with my job search, i had an interview with the social security administration today, and it was depressing.  I hope it didn’t show that much, but I know it did. it would be a grade five step two, which would be a bit of a demotion from my current job, but I would have the pleasure of telling maybe 10% of the calleds that we had aproved them for benfifits, vs now maybe 98% of the calls are can you full pay today?  but then again we are talking about a roughly 2K pay cut from what i make as of today.

but that other 90% are much much worse,  I mean for the really desitute, all we can take from them is 15% of their social secuitry benifts.  for the really destitute amoung the SSA recipients all we can take from them would be their only bennifit they have comeing to them. 

I don’t know that even if I offered the job, if i’ll take it. 

but i might, just so as I can get out of here.  It’s not so depressing now, the rain comes nearly every day, so pretty much everything stays green. but in a normal year, everthing would already be dead. and we’d have to wait for aonter 9-11 months till it grew back. 

and te job is in new mexico so that’s definaily a huge plus. down in ablreuue or how every the hell you spell it, 8K form the government would be a huge bonus on buying a house (as reenforced by the reaction of the people i was interviewing with today)

but i’ve got high hopes for the test I’m signed up to take on thurs. It’s the imigartion and enforcement agent test, which should be the same as the boradder partol, test I took earily, I got a 95, and the IEA doesn’t have the math secsions which I blew, cuase I don’t know my math mathichs times tables.

But I’ve still got hope for the futrue so there is that…

 

NP: 764-hero – sick of appogizinging

“I’m sick of appogizing when I don’t know what I said, whne I don’t know what I did”

So I’ve been trying to come up with a top ten list for my all time greatest songs. 

some are easy: ie, yo la tengo, autumn sweater

and  tom petty, you and I will meet again,

lovers,  people in cars don’t face each other (I  love this song, it is my altime favortie song,  “I took pictures from the car windows, these colores blurs of time, I left them for you by the pay phones, cause I can’t call or write, it’s just been to much time” and “i miss you every night, I miss you each night, I still miss you tonight” I mean of all her song writing, that its notch, one of the best in the wrold.

but others are harder, for instance, one of the chirstie frount drive songs has to be on there, but which, from which group?  I know what cfd song it would be, if it were only CFD on there, fin  (Green eyes on a melting sky, Green eyes on this certain sky) but should it really be CFD? why not anartica? or the blue onterio, or ova lovven, or the reports, or the new band, golden city?  screw it, I’m going with CFD, “just to think I met you yesterday” (not the offical lyrics), but there are some really good anartica and ova looven songs as well. 

what about some classical type music?  I’m not so familure with classical, but we need something with vocals, lets say sarah brightman and eden, and something musical,  I hate the russian, at the moment, and don’t really care for either bach of mozart, so lets say aaron copland, with appalachain spirng.

now we need something from the early days of rock,  chuck berry it is, but which song? johnny B goode, if for only the back to the future movies.

now that’s seven, only three left,

so up next, is buffalo springfield, for what it’s worth or should it be ohio by CSN&Y?  I’m going to go with ohio, just because it’s more cultrually relevent thought it’s the worse song. 

up next we have friends back east by jawbreaker,

and finally, we have the second female arist, since girls are who I listen to the most, Fuck and run (the original girlysounds tapes vesion) by liz phair, The girly sounds version has an extra verse in it,   ”whatever happened to a girl friend, the kind of chick who tryies to win you over, and whatever happened to a girlfriend, the kind of chick who makes love cuase she’s in it, you want a girl friend, you want a girlfriend you want all that boring old shit, like letters and sodas, like letters and sodas”

but even this list leaves so many great artists out, whatabout Camper van betovan, guided by voices, the greatful dead?  some more recent ones like Death cab for cutie? the get up kids? well there just wasn’t room for everyone on the list, and some of them are givens, I mean chuck berry? I don’t care what he did later in life, he belongs on the list, other not so much, for instants did i really hae to put two classical type people on the list?  well when you consider that for most of human history we haven’t  had real music, it’s only in the last ~500 years, I should have inculeded more from the pre 20 century, but i didn’t inculde anything so there.

I mean it’s pretty much aaron, then chuck, then nash, then tom, and then a bunch of upstarts.  and I’m ok with that.

 

NP time, by pink floyd

I should be happy, I’ve finially got some interveiws, some leads on a new job, I’m turning thirty tomarrow to,

but i’m not happy.  And I’m not really sure why.

I finially got out of the house and exericeised today, Had a nice little hike with ryan.    Co really is beatufiull this time of year.  I have the day off tomarrow, and I’ve got an interveiw at nist, right accross from my old house,  I’ve still got the job up in eststes park too, she still hasn’t made a discion on that one either.  I am currently with out a motor bike, but there is this one that keeps poping up on cragslist that is the excat same as mine for $1500, and a new one isn’t out of the question either, 10K can buy a really nice bike….

 

in retrospect, I actually am starting to have enjoyed going to cali, I wouldn’t want to do it again or anything, but more so than the I’m glad I went, I’m actually glad I was forced (it was my best friends wedding, I had to go) to go.   and I’m stil extoridnarrily happy for you, and for your bride, anyone who wears chuck talors to her own (traditional) wedding is ok in my book:)

but i’m still unhappy.  maybe I just need to get laid?

 

NP not in our name, DJ spooky

The thing I don’t like about cali, at least southern ca, is the cars.  driveing around out there, it seems like a porche is an everyday car, a lambo wasn’t uncomon, ferraris were everywhere. 

but on some of the nicer roads, which ca is loaded with, there wasn’t nice car to be seen.  well, there was an exige, but that’s is.  on probably 100 miles of twisty moutain roads, I saw one denct car.  I say sh*t loads of bikes, on one of the nicer roads, mullhuland hwy, all I saw were bikes, probably 30 miles of nothing but bikes.  not a single car anywhere.   but just the same, not a single nice car, with that one exception.

the loud as hell lambo? pulling in the shopping lot accross from the hotel, he’s bipping the throttle because he bought a slushbox, and autos suck, they suck even more on cars like lambos.  that beatuiful Z car, parked in someones drive, the ferrari 430, parked in front of the club.  the regular bmw? stuck in traffic on a sunday afternoon. 

of the 500-1000 cars parked along topnaga cayon road for the fesival? not one nicer than a mustang.  not a single one. 

it seems like such a nice car place, the weather is beautiful, there isn’t much salt in the air, there shouldn’t be much to worry about other than the CHP, and the CARB people, I mean people there make plenty of money to be able to afford such cars, (along that road there probably wasn’t a single house wothless than 1.5 mil) but they don’t chose to use them at all. 

that, and there are just to many of them, way way to many people everywhere you look.  which wasn’t a surpize at all, but the fact that i found some amazing roads, and no one was using them for their intended prupose was a sirpize.  not even mike, who used to talk about the roads with a bit of a reverance, back in high school and college, I didn’t even see his old clapped out beratta driving those roads on the fine weekend days. 

it was quite a disappointment, after reading and hearing about it for the last fifteen years.

NP: GVB, Acorns & Orioles